THE MBA

Recently, I received a particularly amusing email. It was an essay for the entrance exam in the Indian Civil services on “The Cow”. The essay was penned by someone not particularly well-versed in the English language, and much of the hilarity of the essay was because of that one particular factor, for those of you who have not chanced upon that email, here is a sneak preview:
“He is the cow. “The cow is a successful animal. Also he is a four footed, and because he is female, he give milks (but will do so when he is got child). He is useful to man. But he has four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use., More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement (Horses don’t have such attachments).

Apart from the amusement value, I was fascinated by the essay for its novel use of language, with hopefully laser grammatical errors, in describing another creature very successful in our society—the MBA.

He is the MBA. He is a successful creature. He rides a “Lohay ka Dabba “(a car) with four wheels. His car plays loud music in ----err---very strange English language. He lives in a bangle. He is also wearing costly clothes, with many ties of many colors. He has good quality pants and his shirts are good quality. He has many notes. His purse is full of notes and all that stuff. The MBA is successful because he is using his money to spend in the good stuff which makes his car seat, full of jumpy and softle stuff. He also has a mobile phone. The MBA makes phone calls from his mobile phone; the mobile phone doesn’t have a thread of current, and plays English film sounds. So the MBA is made up of car, bangla, clothes, ties, pants and shirts, notes, purse and mobile phone. The MBA was a perfect person once too.

The MBA is very much educated. He speaks English like the speaking of English by the English and the American. He talks by the English of all the worldly objects and stuff and the peoples and the businesses. He is talking in English with the English too. So he is very deeply educated, the MBA.

The MBA is always dynamic. He is running from one position to another in the loha-car, always in hurry and blaming abuses on the rickshaw and the tonga-wallas. And many times English bad-words, too, who are slowly traveling on their rural speeds. But these are English abuses, so they are good to give. Because they teach poor, rural peoples little English na---no? So he is dynamic and always education from the dynamics of his car.

The MBA is networking and it has many friends, families and relatives. He has so many and makes so many friends and families because he can always give them his extra notes and take them for MC Dondal’s for Ice creams and English bun kababs. The friends of MBA are also MBAs because the MBA likes to talk English with peoples. But peoples are not knowing very good Englishes. So MBA talks to MBAs and makes MBA friends only. The wife of MBA are white and with English speaking tounges. The MBA and the wife talk to their sons and boys in English and only English. They want their children to be MBAs too.

All peoples everywhere are always willing all days to give their daughters hands to even every black color MBAs. Black color doctors and engineers find it very uneasy to find hands of various daughters who are white and beautiful.

This is almost the end of all the MBA.